thirty threadbare mercies

The outward expression of an inward grace.

Celebrating St. Patrick, Honoring Past and Present. March 17, 2012

In my house growing up, my dad would cook corned beef and potatoes on this day, and our butts had better be home for it, no matter what the family down the block were having.  And why would I ever miss it?  I loved it when Dad cooked, and even more when he took such glee in it, like he did on St. Paddy’s Day.  This poem from George Bilgere pretty much sums up my pained nostalgia about this holiday’s relation to my dear departed:

Corned Beef and Cabbage

I can see her in the kitchen,
Cooking up, for the hundredth time,
A little something from her
Limited Midwestern repertoire.
Cigarette going in the ashtray,
The red wine pulsing in its glass,
A warning light meaning
Everything was simmering
Just below the steel lid
Of her smile, as she boiled
The beef into submission,
Chopped her way
Through the vegetable kingdom
With the broken-handled knife
I use tonight, feeling her
Anger rising from the dark
Chambers of the head
Of cabbage I slice through,
Missing her, wanting
To chew things over
With my mother again.

I’m not much of a cook, but I wish my dad were here to taste this Irish Soda Bread I baked yesterday.  It is OFF THE CHAIN.  I have never tasted an Irish Soda Bread this moist and decadent.  I paired it with strong black Irish Breakfast Tea and had the best rainy day elevenses ever.  I used a new recipe, chosen solely for the reason that it was written by a monk, Brother Rick Curry, from a book called The Secrets of Jesuit Breadmaking.  That just seemed much more authentic than something off of allrecipes.com.  It surely paid off.  You can try your hand at it as well, just note that I left out the caroway seeds, so they are truly optional.

Ours were infinitely sparklier than these, but similar in shape.

Baking bread is just one way of many that I am celebrating my ancestry this year.  I taught myself how to make St. Brigid’s crosses, which I found to be surprisingly easy when you do it with pipe cleaners, and did that craft with the youth and families at Holy Innocents, while debating with our resident Celtic scholar about how it all went down when St. Patrick brought Christianity to the Emerald Isle.  He pointed out that it was the only time in history that a religious conversion of a people group happened without bloodshed.  He stated that Christianity was accepted by the Celtic peoples because they embraced one another — and rather than wiping out Celtic culture, Celtic Christianity was born, in which we share mythology like St. Brigid herself.  I was skeptical, because I know my Pagan friends are not overfond of my friend St. Patrick, taking the legend that he drove the snakes out of Ireland to be a metaphor for pushing out Paganism.  It was a wonderful discussion.

Olive's St. Patrick's Day outfit last year, when she was only 6 months! She's already got that Irish badass glare.

This afternoon I hope to marry the two traditions in my own way, as I lead a ritual with my arts process group that will honor both St. Patrick and my ancestors.  With prayers attributed to St. Patrick in his stunningly poetic Lorica, as well as elemental rituals and arts processes, I hope to find that balance between the material world and the spiritual one that is usually so hard for me to manage.  Perhaps shots of Jameson will help — they are called spirits for a reason!  Finally, I’ll head to a traditional Irish-American way to celebrate this holiday, the annual party that a couple from church is known for throwing.  Corned beef and cabbage will be waiting for me there, and I hope, in some way, my father’s spirit will as well.

 

Like Lost Boys Do January 7, 2012

Filed under: Artists,Parenting,Personal,Poets,San Francisco,Work at Home Mom — rheabette @ 2:51 pm
Tags: ,

Coming home to our deliciously drafty San Francisco apartment after a week of being in overheated East Coast houses was like entering my natural habitat.  We are on the top floor, and the old windows shake so much from the wind that it feels like living in a ship, which I absolutely adore.  It was a new year, and a new era for me — I was coming home to fall headlong into uncertainty, unsure of where I am going to work next, live next, what shape my days were going to take.  I returned home with a killer cold, so I spent the first few days fending it off with tea and rest.  Gratefully, Joel had the week off, so he enjoyed a staycation playing with Olive while I watched movies set in or about the 1970′s American dance world.

Once I got past the so-stuffed-up-I-can’t-move-or-think stage, I set to going through the arduous, complicated and often dismaying process of getting unemployment for myself, and health coverage for my daughter and I.  Suffice it to say that what I learned is if you are very poor and no one is working in your home, there are plenty of services for you, but if you work even a little, even if you don’t make a living wage, there is not much to help you get back on your feet.  In any event, I worked enough out that I feel properly perched on this delicate tree branch of a life stage, not sure where I will go when I alight but balanced okay for now.

On our way home Thursday night from seeing incredible Bay Area youth perform their hip-hop tracks (Olive broke it down on the dance floor, which was insanely cute), we walked by a bespeckled gentleman sitting at a typewriter at 16th & Valencia St., with a sign that promised:

“PICK A SUBJECT
AND A PRICE
GET A
POEM”

I gave him the money I had in pocket (the amount was so measly it was embarrassing, but I really wanted a poem) to write me a poem about being unemployed.  He thoughtfully rapped out this gem on his Smith-Corona:

Don’t tell me of the greatest city

Pretty watering the grass long

So it can play along to a lost luster

But can not muster an explanation

For why this is the second most

Expensive city in the nation

But can’t afford to give those

willing to work a job

And now I stand jobless

Holding hopes and dreams

That lose steam wondering

How I’ll thrive on nothing

Maybe by making an imaginary stew

Like lost boys do

Or waking to find I need another city

~ Lynn Gentry

You too can have a prophetic poem of your choosing, even if you can’t watch him type it out while you wait on the street corner: http://www.lynngentryprose.com/pick-a-subject.html

I say it is a prophetic poem because it tapped into what is constantly a question for Joel and I: can we afford to live in this city, that we hold so dear, in which poets are waiting at street corners and beauty is at nearly every turn?  Or is it an unrequited love?  For now, we are here, and as I start my first real week of solo Work At Home Mom status, I am incredibly grateful for that.  Our city boasts mild climates that allow me to take long walks with my daughter almost any day of the year, has great Parks & Rec programs that allow us to take classes together at a low fee, and every day we seem to make new friends.

To say that I am jobless, however, is not exactly accurate, as I have both a part-time job that I can do mostly from home, and a full-time job of being Olive’s care provider.  And that is how I am seeing these next few months with Olive — as my new career.  Heck, I was paying someone else to do it three days a week before, so it’s veritably a worthy career choice.  I am going to go into it with the same focus and care that I would a job that pays monetarily — I’ll get up at the same time every day, get dressed and prepare the day’s tasks, and “complete” them with as much quality control and know-how as I can.  I believe it will be infinitely harder than any of my previous jobs, and this coming from someone who has worked in the trenches.  The reason being, I could always leave that work at the office and come home to relax.  This job is 24/7, and I have to do it while looking for paying future work, which will only be possible if Olive takes a good chunky afternoon nap (please Nap Gods, be good to me).  So, wish me luck, wish me favor in nap timings, wish me the ability to be as present as possible with this gift of time with my daughter, not to be swept away by the sea of What-Comes-Next thinking.

 

 
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