As soon as I closed my eyes and found my center, there in the middle of a circle of my fellow artists, their eyes patient witnesses to my movement, I realized, “Woah. This is going to be really dark.” We were doing Authentic Movement, which, in case you’re not familiar, is a therapeutic technique to use movement to get in touch with your unconscious. Apparently, my unconscious held a barren landscape, with eerie afternoon light and perhaps a well that a demon spirit girl was about to crawl out of. I followed the movement, and it became more and more intense. At one point I was banging my head, very slowly and methodically, against the hardwood floor, which later my witnesses told me made them want to rush in with a pillow to protect my little skull. I felt a power rising in my body as I moved, to the point that I was overcome by the energy coursing through my limbs, causing me to terrify my witnesses again by whipping my head and torso around at an alarming velocity. Finally, in a spin with my arms outstretched, I erupted in a bit of a giggle, as I was imagining myself turning into a superhero, rising from the depths to kick some major ass. It was deep.
Then I got home and saw that day’s installment in Yoko Ono’s 13 Days Do-It-Yourself Dance Festival:
As you may remember, Yoko was recently a source of major wisdom that came to me in a dream. And then this — her suggesting I bang my head, after I spent an Authentic Movement session doing exactly that. Coincidence? Or some kind of collective unconscious link between she and I? And her question is an excellent one. Is it really such a catastrophe to live without your head?
I have been in my head a lot this week, and it keeps taking me to a place I detest being in: guilt. I am seriously in need of taking my own advice. Recently, someone in my husband’s life was trying to make him feel guilty about a choice he made, and I had a rare moment of sheer brilliance. I texted him:
Guilt is spiritual cancer. Radiate that shit with love.
What a good message for me to remember this week, when guilt about many different things is weighing my head down, making me want to bang it against the wall until it dissolves. So, I will keep dancing, keep listening to Yoko, and start a serious love radiation on all the places in me that feel heavy with guilt.