The start of February is something I have been waiting for for a long time. First of all, January was pretty rough. Our family got sick a lot, didn’t get much sleep, and I spent a lot of time musing on my failures and inadequacies. It felt like one long vulnerability hangover — I kept risking, but then doubting my leaps immensely.
I also have been burning the candle on both ends for many months — doing my job at the church without a Vicar (the fancy word we Episcopalians use for priest, aka my boss), spending my days in full-time Olive care while fitting in writing for the blog, The Equals Record, the Lit Kitchen, and the Golden Gate Mothers Group Magazine at nap times (which are increasingly shorter!) and after O-lo’s bed time. This has made me exhausted, but instead of going to bed early and making sure I am doing my self-care practices, I have been going out a lot, attending a lot of extroverted parties and events, and neglecting my poor body. I suppose I just want to have some fun to make up for all the hard work I’m doing, but it’s led to me dropping the ball on social engagements, double booking myself, and allowing a chaotic household routine.
However, I’m not going to get down on myself too much, because, as I read on a wise Facebook feed the other day (it’s not all rants and pictures of lunch!), “Relax, the last perfect person was crucified.”
Also, the end of having absolutely no time to do anything is near for me. On Wednesday, my daughter will go to preschool three mornings a week, from 8:45am-12:45pm. Everyone has been asking, “What are you going to do with all your time off?” to which I have been replying, “Just do the jobs I already have, only better, now that I will actually have some time to devote to them!” But I will also start some new projects, rather, take up some old ones I have put on hold, like working towards my MFT license. Which makes me want to throw up just thinking about lacing up my sneakers and re-joining that marathon.
Another reprieve coming next week is our new Vicar is starting! Once she starts in earnest, I will have been doing my job as Children and Families Coordinator there for seven months without a boss. The ad-hoc leadership of the church has done a great job of providing guidance where it is needed, but nothing can replace the relationship with one central person. I cannot wait to be able to stop flying by the seat of my pants, and give the children and families a more grounded, supported approach to their programs in their spiritual community.
There is something new happening right now for every member of our family, all having to do with our work in the world. For me, more time to do a different kind of work, less circular and more goal-oriented. For Olive, the good work of learning the rhythms and culture of her Waldorf preschool. For Joel, a new position at his job, with more responsibility and freedom.
All of it is happening at once, which has been both exciting and a little overstimulating.
This is always the time of year when I find myself looking forward to Lent, which comes later this month. I know that is very odd, as it is forty days of temperance and waiting, but I feel like the holiday and New Year bustle doesn’t really end until I am forced to slow down by my Lenten practices. So, I am doing some planning about what those will be, and, I suppose, indulging while I still can!
There have been a lot of changes in my community lately, as well: people have lost family members, dissolved marriages, moved to a new town, and had babies. So tell me, dear readers, how do you face change and transition? Do you embrace it, or does it knock you off center for months to come? I am trying to do the former, while allowing the latter to happen, as long as I always come back quickly to the pulse of my life, which is always love.