You guys, I think Spring Break broke my blog.
I was trucking along, blogging consistently, when, in the middle of April, my daughter had 2 weeks off school. Which was daunting. I arranged some swaps, did some fun big outings with her, and took the opportunity of extra time together to teach her how to sleep on her own, but I still used the hashtag #SulkySpringBreak for the duration. That is because, at one moment or another, someone in our household was usually having a bit of a sulk. It wasn’t always the three year old.
There was a lot going on – I was up for a big jobby-job, and was on pins and needles as I went through the various interviews and tests they were throwing my way. I also got word that the Board of Behavioral Sciences finally okayed me to take my Marriage and Family Therapy Licensure Exams, after 10 months of waiting for them to get back to me. So I was on a precipice: I’d either get a corporate full-time writing job, or continue being a freelancer/hustler and study for those exams. Having a three year old around all the time in the midst of all this was at times pleasantly distracting, and at others, sulk-inducing.
I gave myself a few weeks off of blogging to process all this. Then I missed my 3rd blogiversary. Then I turned a year older in my corporeal being. Then I found out I didn’t get that big job. Then I started studying for this interminable test. All of a sudden it’s been months since my last blog, and I’m not even sure where to start up again.
It’s got me thinking about what purpose this blog serves in my life. It’s the place I come to hang out with my vulnerabilities, with the places I am not completely sure about yet. It’s a place of becoming. Which is hard to hang out in in times when I feel like everything is in flux.
Recently I shifted some of the focus of my writing, putting some of the volunteer writing commitments I’ve been invested in (including this blog) on the back burner, to make space for new ones, and even paid ones. The difference is startling – I am getting some assignments that I am invigoratingly obsessed with, and others that have left me cold, but are, essentially, paying gigs. It’s been hard to say no to consistent writing opportunities to make space for new ones, but it is paying off.
I realized last week that I am not going to be in town for San Francisco’s PRIDE weekend, which is pretty devastating. For years I have participated in this city-wide celebration of love and expression, walking in the parade with my church, dancing in it with my dance community, or just hollering from my roof during the Dyke March. But I just got two queer-tastic writing assignments that are more than making up for my parade absence – I am going to get to interview two queer icons this month: Michelle Tea, and JD Samson!
So, I’m spending my days either running around after Olive, or studying mind-numbingly boring DSM diagnoses whilst taking breaks to do really fun research on Tea and Samson, to make sure I don’t make a complete anus of myself by like, asking something that is SO 2011.
While I have goals that I am working toward and fun projects to distract me from the fact that I really don’t have steady paid work that will pay my health care bills consistently, it’s all a bit of a balancing act. Hopefully, in the midst of all that, I will return to this space to hang out in the in-between places with you all more frequently. It’s a conversation I have missed.